Pull Of The Tide

Next week I'll be a month into school, yet I still feel like I'm getting settled. Actually, I feel like there have been a few disruptions and set-backs that have made it difficult to actually establish a real routine. I spent much of my second and third weeks dealing with work study applications, follow-up's, and decision making. In the end I just got one job grading papers, which is less than ideal, but the income will be essential. Meanwhile, my computer crashed (and I believe I lost all my data, not to mention all my saturday in dealing with the apple store and eventually finding another place to take it- I still haven't heard back from them...) which turned out to be outrageously disrupting as I seem to have attached to it like a third arm and with it missing I became all out of sorts! I felt especially foolish in class first thing wednesday morning when I was borrowing someone else's laptop to take notes (I just cannot read my own handwriting) and I turned to get some water and tipped my (apparently open) entire two liter water bottle to the floor. Thank goodness I didn't spill it on her computer!!! But I felt like a complete moron and couldn't focus in class, nor could I come up with any reasonable answers during the entire class period about Autism (which I know SO much about!) and second guessed every answer I did think of. I was kind of a wreck. I went for a walk between classes with a friend but then got the news that my grandmother was in the hospital. Wednesday is just a day I am glad is over. (Mimi is okay!)

I guess this is just a good lesson in recognizing that even the best laid out plans get all screwed up! It was good for me to be able to recognize what was out of my control and what I could focus on to shift the way the day continued to change. Today (gosh was that just yesterday?? it's been a long couple days...) -today I did a lot of supporting and giving of myself. This is often a role I take on, I imagine many OT's can relate. I want to support others and help to make things easier, I want to help others to be successful. I found myself butting heads with my mentee as she struggled with some homework. I don't really think it was the homework itself that was frustrating, but other issues that she couldn't articulate which revealed themselves through feelings of incompetence for her. In the end we got through the homework and I was able to stay relatively calm but after talking with her mom, next time she begins to get frustrated (this is a behavioral pattern of hers) I am going to remove myself with the excuse that I need to do something and see if she can defuse herself a bit. Not sure it'll work but it seems worth a try.

Anyway, by the end of tonight I was drained and in need of much support. Unfortunately, I found it to be late and the support I desired was not available in friends so I reached out to www.7cupsoftea.com 
I don't know if I've already mentioned this website, but I find it to be incredibly helpful for just talking things out, having a safe place to recognize and acknowledge my feelings, and problem solve with a rational-thinking person (who isn't overloaded with emotion!) In the end calming music, looking at pictures of sunsets, a glass of water, and talking to a kind and gentle listener helped me feel through what I was experiencing and I came out on the other end with clarity and relief. [My Pysch-Social teacher and I agreed that it was also a good place to practice active listening (an essential skill of an OT!) if one signs up to be "a listener" on the site.]

I'm sure there is part of me that is struggling with the anticipation of what the upcoming weeks hold. I am waiting to hear back from one more work-study position (the one I really wanted was in the OT department but they alluded to the fact that they might hire outside the department, which, obviously would rule me out), I need to get the notes I lost on my computer from someone in my cohort (and pay to copy them), I need to get started on the many papers and projects that are already on the not-so-distant horizon for me, and I need to define some really solid and predictable study time (rather than just try to fit it in where it's convenient as I've done in the past.) So, yeah, there's a lot on my mind and a lot to be stressed about. I'm also waiting to hear back from the student disabilities services to see what kind of support I can get from the school for my ADD tendencies which make studying and test-taking that much harder... What I really need is a little angel on my shoulder monitoring my every step. 

After talking with my peer mentor from last year, and meeting my peer mentor for this year, I feel a little bit clearer on what to expect for the upcoming school year. While the program itself is going to be demanding, this first year is going to build me up to meet the challenges. It sounds like the classes I'm taking this semester are going to be very manageable, and the teachers encouraging and supportive. I do need to get studying on my basic anatomy though, as I missed several questions on my what-do-you-remember-from-anatomy-class quiz. Fortunately it's interesting to me so at least I can look forward to that. I think my two favorite classes this term are going to be Neurology/Physiology and Psychosocial aspects of Occupational Therapy. I feel that I'm going to be able to keep a level head, with my eye on the bigger picture this semester, rather than get locked into the (unimportant) details that hang me up. I'll say that's my intention anyway. The upcoming weekend doesn't seem promising for homework opportunities, so I think I'll make myself up a schedule now! Perhaps a blog on study tips would be useful...