So, going into a new semester, larger class load, greater homework demand, similar employment and same relationships, I am going to try again. Because after all, what do OTs preach more than "try again."
OTs carry many of the same responsibilities of a teacher, which I felt I really thrived in prior to going back to school. Our work aims to educate our clients to understand their condition, and conceptualize what is possible for their future. Working as an OT requires a lot of patience, endurance, hope, and encouragement - aspects of any good teacher. I must also consider the emotional component of connecting with clients, wanting what's best for them, seeing them struggle through the worst, and recognizing when to send them off into the world to do it on their own. And we will be met with continual struggle and "failure" as our clients meet their own levels of resistance. I saw something the other day that said:
If you fail, don't give up because FAIL means: First Attempt In Learning;
The end is not the end, in fact END means: Effort Never Dies;
And if you get no as an answer, just remember that NO means: Next Opportunity.
Our cohort has been through a lot already and we're only 1/6 of the way through our experience together. I think we all got a reality check when we lost a very loved member of our group due to missing the required cumulative average for tests by .2% It sounds like every avenue was pursued to avoid leaving the cohort, but to no avail. The directors of this program are serious working make us as prepared as possible for passing our NBCOT exam and to be the best OTs we can by pushing and exceeding our limits constantly. It is hard to start a semester with low morale though, and I know a close-knit group like ours really relies on everyone to pull through. I am reminded of the words of my peer mentor last semester who described to me that everyone in his cohort pulled through for each other to make sure no one fell behind. I can't help but feel I didn't do enough and I am sorry to lose a good friend and colleague. I hope!!! this is only a set back though and OT is still the path they take and we can become colleagues again, but professionally someday!
As a cohort we have also grown in experience as many of us have started or completed our first psychosocial fieldwork experiences. For me this was a real eye opener! As we all got our placements, I was envious of my classmates who were going to experience lock-down psych wards, as I felt this was the most challenging and I always want to push myself as much as possible. I didn't see the challenge in working with clients who had Alzheimer's and dementia. After my experience, I have a whole new respect for caregivers and spouses who take care of someone who experiences the effects of these diseases. To see someone who is unable to feed himself, or even understand what to do with a spoon, knowing in his past life he was a brilliant neurosurgeon was absolutely heartbreaking!
It was quite a challenge for me to understand the balance of using my techniques and skills that I used in one-on-one or group experiences as a preschool teacher (many of which were quite applicable) to individualizing them for each person I worked with at the clinic. There were so many different levels of functioning and such unique struggles of development for each person - unlike working with children all aged 3-5 yo, this work was all over the map in terms of their level of skill and understanding. We had some people recognizing their condition and feeling confused by it and others trying to go along in a life they used to have, but being set-back constantly by the setting of the clinic which didn't allow them to "go back to work," or, "pick up the kids." I really found myself exhausted at the end of each day that I explored deeper levels of patience, compassion, empathy, encouragement, excitement, enthusiasm, and cheerfulness.
I think the hardest hurdle to get over was the idea that I had to make small talk with individuals when they first came in for the day or while they waited for the next meal. I never struggled with feeling self-conscious about that when working with children but there was almost a stage-fright and discomfort about striking up a conversation with a stranger to help them feel seen and respected in this setting. My director wisely reminded me that many of them wouldn't remember a day (or sometimes an hour later) if I DID make a fool of myself in those interactions. The most important thing I learned was to greet each new person with dignity and respect, speaking to them as I would any new person I met; then recognizing their level of comprehension and ability to converse and simplifying my speech as required to meet their needs.
It was hard not to feel like I knew how to help everyone be happier and make the center run better. I certainly have grandiose ideas for the world at large, and especially for every new system I encounter and work within. In this way it was humbling to recognize this center has been thriving for years and they've created a system that works for them. As with any center though, having our presence as volunteers added a lot more support to the staff and I think we brought a lot of joy to certain individuals with whom we were able to give extended one-on-one care. I really enjoyed sitting with clients who had a demeanor to chat (whether or not I understood what they were trying to say) and give them attention and love without feeling what I imagine many family members might experience: a loss for who they used to be.
I have loads of homework so I'm going to wrap this up. Signing off with a genuine hope to be back soon with further explorations of my deeper understanding of what it means to be an OT and how the experience continues to change my life.
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