Snafu City

So the best laid plans always get screwed up... or something like that. I was getting all settled into an organized new semester when my car died. I wasn't nearly as upset as I could have been. The strongest feeling I have about it is that I'm sad my car is no longer part of my life. I loved that car. Who knew I could love a car? It was mostly reliable, definitely enduring, and fun to drive. I've never cared so much about a car before (this is my third.) It was just all-around convenient and comfortable (well, except on long road trips but then, I don't like sitting in ANY car for too long.) Anyway, it's gone now. And I decided I want to try to get by without one. I tried that when I first moved to CA and it was do-able, though difficult. There were the days when I got out of class at 9:30pm and it was a bike-bus-bart sort of commute, ending in a 40 min ride uphill to my house, getting me home around 11pm. It was good exercise and I got really good sleep in those days! But it was tough. So, I got a car. 

Fortunately, right now I have support within reach should I need a car for a quick trip or heavy-load-day or days when I have to dress like "a professional" for assessments or fieldwork. However, today was my first day trial commuting and I just got on a bus that arrived a half hour late - I should've known this was going to happen and just planned to be an hour early to school. It doesn't matter now. I'm late and instead of studying am writing this blog. I guess in a way it's the beginning of a new chapter, and noteworthy. The trickiest part of this commute is all my darn textbooks. They're heavy! I recently bought some saddle bags but they're not easy to carry once I reach my destination. My school really needs to have lockers. I started a petition last semester but had less of a need for them once I started driving. The need has resurfaced and it doesn't seem like an impossible request. I'll see if I can work in the time to fit that petition back into my schedule.

Awe :) The bus driver just let this 12/13 y.o. boy get a free ride today, "for showing good bus riding etiquette by letting two elderly women get on first," then he said, "gotta reward that respectful behavior young," to no one in particular. 

I just had my first skills checkout yesterday and it went relatively well. I felt mostly prepared (though I always feel I can prepare more) and comfortable with the material. I don't generally get nervous with those sorts of things and I felt calm and collected as I greeted (greeted? :/ had greet? gret? tehee) the patient and addressed her needs. I'm pretty sure I did everything correctly, except that I initially forgot to sanitize my hands and did it part-way through. The main thing that helped me prepare was visualizing the entire process in my head over and over again. It really helped that the patient-actor was so kind as a person, as well as tuned into her role. I actually think I would like to do that someday ~ be the patient-actor person. 

Tomorrow I have to give an assessment at a locked-facility (L-facility) to a real patient. I'm glad we had this test run for a different class on Monday just to get me comfortable with being an OT. (That feels good to say.) I practiced the assessment last night on my mentee who is struggling with time management skills mostly, and the desire to be healthier but unsure how. She's only 12 so it's normal for her to be confused about how to be independent as well as responsible. Her parents are really tuned in, and so is she, which makes it such an engaging situation that I find myself very committed to. I can just see her becoming such a wonderfully attentive, caring and responsible individual, bringing a lot of good to the world. I feel special to be a part of her life at this crucial period of development.

I'm going to try and get off the bus now and bike the rest of the way once we are over the bridge, so I need to wrap this up. I'm glad I took the time to write! My surrogate-upstairs-family and I celebrated Chinese new year last night (with take out) and we were talking about how every time you recall and retell a memory, it changes slightly. So for me, this documentation is about remembering the process of becoming an OT, acknowledging the struggles and successes, and being able to reflect on a way to make it easier for others. :)

[I knew if I didn't post this when I finished typing it then it would get lost in the mayhem. I wrote this on Tuesday I believe. Well, now it's Friday and I'm still adjusting to my bike commute. It's been good on my body, as well as exhausting! I did find a gorgeous Bay trail to make my bike ride to the bus a little nicer. Trying to keep my face to sunshine!]

Chapter 2

Blogging proved to be a challenge last semester with getting used to being a full time student, full time employee, full time girl-friend, and full time family member. The biggest lessons I uncovered from it all were the power of time management and setting boundaries - as well as coming back to an understanding of what my needs were and getting those met. How is it these are not the lessons we learn growing up, in school or otherwise? I love that as an OT this is precisely what I can help others with. 

So, going into a new semester, larger class load, greater homework demand, similar employment and same relationships, I am going to try again. Because after all, what do OTs preach more than "try again." 

OTs carry many of the same responsibilities of a teacher, which I felt I really thrived in prior to going back to school. Our work aims to educate our clients to understand their condition, and conceptualize what is possible for their future. Working as an OT requires a lot of patience, endurance, hope, and encouragement - aspects of any good teacher. I must also consider the emotional component of connecting with clients, wanting what's best for them, seeing them struggle through the worst, and recognizing when to send them off into the world to do it on their own. And we will be met with continual struggle and "failure" as our clients meet their own levels of resistance. I saw something the other day that said:

If you fail, don't give up because FAIL means: First Attempt In Learning;

The end is not the end, in fact END means: Effort Never Dies;

And if you get no as an answer, just remember that NO means: Next Opportunity.

Our cohort has been through a lot already and we're only 1/6 of the way through our experience together. I think we all got a reality check when we lost a very loved member of our group due to missing the required cumulative average for tests by .2% It sounds like every avenue was pursued to avoid leaving the cohort, but to no avail. The directors of this program are serious working make us as prepared as possible for passing our NBCOT exam and to be the best OTs we can by pushing and exceeding our limits constantly. It is hard to start a semester with low morale though, and I know a close-knit group like ours really relies on everyone to pull through. I am reminded of the words of my peer mentor last semester who described to me that everyone in his cohort pulled through for each other to make sure no one fell behind. I can't help but feel I didn't do enough and I am sorry to lose a good friend and colleague. I hope!!! this is only a set back though and OT is still the path they take and we can become colleagues again, but professionally someday!

As a cohort we have also grown in experience as many of us have started or completed our first psychosocial fieldwork experiences. For me this was a real eye opener! As we all got our placements, I was envious of my classmates who were going to experience lock-down psych wards, as I felt this was the most challenging and I always want to push myself as much as possible. I didn't see the challenge in working with clients who had Alzheimer's and dementia. After my experience, I have a whole new respect for caregivers and spouses who take care of someone who experiences the effects of these diseases. To see someone who is unable to feed himself, or even understand what to do with a spoon, knowing in his past life he was a brilliant neurosurgeon was absolutely heartbreaking! 

It was quite a challenge for me to understand the balance of using my techniques and skills that I used in one-on-one or group experiences as a preschool teacher (many of which were quite applicable) to individualizing them for each person I worked with at the clinic. There were so many different levels of functioning and such unique struggles of development for each person - unlike working with children all aged 3-5 yo, this work was all over the map in terms of their level of skill and understanding. We had some people recognizing their condition and feeling confused by it and others trying to go along in a life they used to have, but being set-back constantly by the setting of the clinic which didn't allow them to "go back to work," or, "pick up the kids." I really found myself exhausted at the end of each day that I explored deeper levels of patience, compassion, empathy, encouragement, excitement, enthusiasm, and cheerfulness. 

I think the hardest hurdle to get over was the idea that I had to make small talk with individuals when they first came in for the day or while they waited for the next meal. I never struggled with feeling self-conscious about that when working with children but there was almost a stage-fright and discomfort about striking up a conversation with a stranger to help them feel seen and respected in this setting. My director wisely reminded me that many of them wouldn't remember a day (or sometimes an hour later) if I DID make a fool of myself in those interactions. The most important thing I learned was to greet each new person with dignity and respect, speaking to them as I would any new person I met; then recognizing their level of comprehension and ability to converse and simplifying my speech as required to meet their needs.

It was hard not to feel like I knew how to help everyone be happier and make the center run better. I certainly have grandiose ideas for the world at large, and especially for every new system I encounter and work within. In this way it was humbling to recognize this center has been thriving for years and they've created a system that works for them. As with any center though, having our presence as volunteers added a lot more support to the staff and I think we brought a lot of joy to certain individuals with whom we were able to give extended one-on-one care. I really enjoyed sitting with clients who had a demeanor to chat (whether or not I understood what they were trying to say) and give them attention and love without feeling what I imagine many family members might experience: a loss for who they used to be.

I have loads of homework so I'm going to wrap this up. Signing off with a genuine hope to be back soon with further explorations of my deeper understanding of what it means to be an OT and how the experience continues to change my life.

And So It Begins

I was encouraged by my mentor to start my own OT blog as I read through all the resources available to me online following my orientation into OT grad school last week. As such a dynamic field, there is constantly new information following research, new diagnoses, and experiences with more and more clients. I imagine there will be so much learned and shared throughout my career as a student and into the field! Of course, it is essential I am cautious of HIPPA laws and will absolutely respect all clients and sites where I take on fieldwork.

I want to start this blog with an intention to reach the world of OT and beyond with relevant experiences, applicable tools, useful wisdom, and grounded encouragement. Starting grad school feels like an amazing endeavor (day one is tomorrow! we'll see how I feel at the end of the week...) and I know it will come with endless challenges as well as tremendous rewards. I would love to track my experiences and share data, research, resources, and tips through this blog, checking in every couple weeks (at minimum once a month). I am eager to simply track my own progress but I also desire to reach the world of OT students who are heading down a similar path and want to make the most of their work.

At orientation I heard some key phrases (said to the whole group) that stuck with me:
>You are the ones who made it here today. You did the work, passed the classes and exams, wowed interviewers, wrote the essays. You deserve to be here and we're here to help you succeed.
>Occupational therapists have a desire to help people, help each other.
>There isn't anyone in here who doesn't want to succeed at being great at their work, work together to make that happen.
>(Following strict guidelines for the program, such as a list of professional behaviors required starting *today* in the classroom including: being a self-directed learner, clarifying and asking questions, participating, accepting criticism and applying it, putting forth our best effort, doing reading and assignments ahead of time to prepare for class, etc.) We (faculty) really want to see you succeed, we are on your team and when we point out your weaknesses, it is your job to correct them. Ultimately though, we want you to succeed.

For me, success as a grad student starts with healthy habits. Starting tonight, the routine is shifting, consistent bedtime and morning wake up calls! Grad School, here I come!