One might deduct that I must not really want to keep a blog if I don't prioritize it better. The truth is, it feels like a leisurely indulgence which seems unaffordable most days. I'm really trying to maintain more balance in my life (as an OT this will be the mantra I preach so I would really like to walk the talk now!) but life is simply just complex. [I wouldn't be able to say life is complexly simple.] Among relationships and commitments, due dates and exams, feeding myself and getting enough sleep, balance IS my daily practice. I suppose if I were to look at it from an outsider's perspective, I'm relatively good at it. If four years ago I was thrown into a random Tuesday of my current life I would probably have a heart attack and die. So I've definitely grown, adapted, designed and learned a lot in way of living responsibly and staying present. Of course, I'm always striving to be better.
This morning I read a blog on dailyom.com about striving for IMPERFECTION. My initial gut reaction is: blasphemous!! But it's actually a brilliant concept, and lends hand to great relief and acceptance in life. I suppose the concept is attune with my desire to make mud pies: it is fun and silly and once my hands are dirty, I'm willing to do pretty much anything. Like when I was teaching preschool and this kid Timmy puked ALL OVER himself (and then me) my instincts kicked in and as I helped him get cleaned off (even though he continued to puke) I wasn't phased by the further vomiting because I was already covered in it. What I'm trying to say is that if I just dive all the way in (like diving into the deep end at the pool) there isn't anything left to be afraid of- whereas if I stand at the edge dipping myself increasingly deeper, I'm ruled by the fear of what might be instead of accepting what is!
I'm just gonna climb down off this soap box now...
Today I had my third skills check-out. I had to demonstrate my ability to safely and effectively transfer a patient from her wheelchair onto other surfaces. I was inspired to write a blog afterwards because while preparing to go in, I was trying to find ANYthing remotely comforting or inspiring to help me feel prepared and Google failed me. The least I can do is offer my experiences with these things for anyone who hasn't done one yet. The key components I walked away with were
1) be present with the patient/ignoring the examiner
2) do NOT engage with the anxious students sitting nearby! The first point may be impossible if the latter point has been violated.
Mindfulness is a matter of practicing in the moment and one can't ever really be perfect at it, so go ahead and drop that expectation. Any novice can walk into a situation and apply a mindfulness technique and feel incredible success. The main thing is be yourself, and be real. Also, breath, deep and slow. Yes, a skills check-out is a simulated situation and you're being examined by a quiet professor in the corner with a pen in hand. Really it is a matter of improv skills and envisioning the best possible outcome. Yes, the actor/patient is likely feeling lousy and possibly uncooperative, but practice those active listening strategies and therapeutic use of self. A couple minutes into the check-out my patient and I were talking about the birds chirping and spring flowers and later ended up discussing the pleasure of homemade mac-and-cheese. I was just being real with her and honestly forgot in some moments that I was being tested (and forgot to be as attentive to my transfer posture with someone assessing my every move) but it all went so much more smooth because I was just present. The point I want to drive home is actor/no actor, examiner/no examiner, just be present and attentive to your patient and all else (with adequate practice beforehand) will come so naturally you'll walk out feeling like the confident OT you've always known yourself to be!
As for the people freaking out about how unprepared they feel or how many mistakes they made, this is a dangerous situation. Anxiety is HIGHLY contagious and Extremely unproductive. That saying about sitting in a rocking chair: it's easy to do, but you don't get anywhere. It takes a lot of courage to trust that you are going to do your best- and that's the best you can do! Every experience is a learning experience. ZERO people (especially in your academic community) should be expecting perfection from you- INCLUDING you. Every test is just that, a test, to see what you know, how well you can apply what you've learned, and what you need to work on. No one is trying to test you on the things you've known your whole life - we get tested on NEW material, that's the point! Those wrong answers are gifts to you; constructive feedback is a pearl from the ocean; examine it and treasure it and keep it in mind always so that next time, you remember.
I guess I'll have to find my way back off the soap box again. I just really want to see students inspired to do well, not perfect; inspired to believe in their ability, rather than want to control the outcomes. This is also what we as OTs ask of our patients! Let's start living it.
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