One might deduct that I must not really want to keep a blog if I don't prioritize it better. The truth is, it feels like a leisurely indulgence which seems unaffordable most days. I'm really trying to maintain more balance in my life (as an OT this will be the mantra I preach so I would really like to walk the talk now!) but life is simply just complex. [I wouldn't be able to say life is complexly simple.] Among relationships and commitments, due dates and exams, feeding myself and getting enough sleep, balance IS my daily practice. I suppose if I were to look at it from an outsider's perspective, I'm relatively good at it. If four years ago I was thrown into a random Tuesday of my current life I would probably have a heart attack and die. So I've definitely grown, adapted, designed and learned a lot in way of living responsibly and staying present. Of course, I'm always striving to be better.
This morning I read a blog on dailyom.com about striving for IMPERFECTION. My initial gut reaction is: blasphemous!! But it's actually a brilliant concept, and lends hand to great relief and acceptance in life. I suppose the concept is attune with my desire to make mud pies: it is fun and silly and once my hands are dirty, I'm willing to do pretty much anything. Like when I was teaching preschool and this kid Timmy puked ALL OVER himself (and then me) my instincts kicked in and as I helped him get cleaned off (even though he continued to puke) I wasn't phased by the further vomiting because I was already covered in it. What I'm trying to say is that if I just dive all the way in (like diving into the deep end at the pool) there isn't anything left to be afraid of- whereas if I stand at the edge dipping myself increasingly deeper, I'm ruled by the fear of what might be instead of accepting what is!
I'm just gonna climb down off this soap box now...
Today I had my third skills check-out. I had to demonstrate my ability to safely and effectively transfer a patient from her wheelchair onto other surfaces. I was inspired to write a blog afterwards because while preparing to go in, I was trying to find ANYthing remotely comforting or inspiring to help me feel prepared and Google failed me. The least I can do is offer my experiences with these things for anyone who hasn't done one yet. The key components I walked away with were
1) be present with the patient/ignoring the examiner
2) do NOT engage with the anxious students sitting nearby! The first point may be impossible if the latter point has been violated.
Mindfulness is a matter of practicing in the moment and one can't ever really be perfect at it, so go ahead and drop that expectation. Any novice can walk into a situation and apply a mindfulness technique and feel incredible success. The main thing is be yourself, and be real. Also, breath, deep and slow. Yes, a skills check-out is a simulated situation and you're being examined by a quiet professor in the corner with a pen in hand. Really it is a matter of improv skills and envisioning the best possible outcome. Yes, the actor/patient is likely feeling lousy and possibly uncooperative, but practice those active listening strategies and therapeutic use of self. A couple minutes into the check-out my patient and I were talking about the birds chirping and spring flowers and later ended up discussing the pleasure of homemade mac-and-cheese. I was just being real with her and honestly forgot in some moments that I was being tested (and forgot to be as attentive to my transfer posture with someone assessing my every move) but it all went so much more smooth because I was just present. The point I want to drive home is actor/no actor, examiner/no examiner, just be present and attentive to your patient and all else (with adequate practice beforehand) will come so naturally you'll walk out feeling like the confident OT you've always known yourself to be!
As for the people freaking out about how unprepared they feel or how many mistakes they made, this is a dangerous situation. Anxiety is HIGHLY contagious and Extremely unproductive. That saying about sitting in a rocking chair: it's easy to do, but you don't get anywhere. It takes a lot of courage to trust that you are going to do your best- and that's the best you can do! Every experience is a learning experience. ZERO people (especially in your academic community) should be expecting perfection from you- INCLUDING you. Every test is just that, a test, to see what you know, how well you can apply what you've learned, and what you need to work on. No one is trying to test you on the things you've known your whole life - we get tested on NEW material, that's the point! Those wrong answers are gifts to you; constructive feedback is a pearl from the ocean; examine it and treasure it and keep it in mind always so that next time, you remember.
I guess I'll have to find my way back off the soap box again. I just really want to see students inspired to do well, not perfect; inspired to believe in their ability, rather than want to control the outcomes. This is also what we as OTs ask of our patients! Let's start living it.
Showing posts with label exams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label exams. Show all posts
Monday, April 11, 2016
Sunday, September 27, 2015
Recognizing Control; or lack thereof
I'm keeping a blog, which proves that I love to write. What I don't love is the stress of writing a paper, because I'm a bit of a perfectionist and I get stuck three words into a sentence when I can't choose the right adjective to clarify my point. However, I think I would much rather be writing a paper right now than grinding away with mid-term studies. So, I decided to pop over to my blog.
Yes, it's midterms already. Though we have two sets, so really it's tri-terms...or something. Two tests tomorrow; I hope my brain can handle it. In the last couple weeks I solidified my support from Student Services and will be taking my tests in a proctored room so as not to be distracted by my peers who will likely finish sooner than I, AND would be a constant distraction with their pen clicks and coughs and whatever else... I'm grateful I'll have the support; though I'm just realizing, I won't be able to ask any questions of my professor during the test. Hm... I'll just see how these two go.
For my conditions class I'm creating concept maps for each condition with different colors for each one. The general concepts like diagnosis, medical management, prevalence, symptoms, all have the same place on each paper. I'm hoping this will trigger my visual memory. I tried to create a study group with the class but it didn't really go that well, the majority of the people left 20 minutes in, which was disappointing, yet the people who stayed proved to be good study buddies. I'd forgotten that what I wanted to do with the whole class was to fill in our group-accessible study guide on google docs. This way we'd all be studying the same info and could provide help to one another though the document (YAY technology.) In the end we've all just been editing it on our own...even today - day before the test. I think it's a good system.
We are all really struggling with one class where we're just bombarded with information and it's not being explained efficiently. The test we're taking Monday was designed by a different teacher from the department who is known to be really strict and severe with details, yet, our teacher hasn't been all that clear about what to focus on. Thank goodness she gave us a study guide in the end! We've all been chipping away at that as well, I really hope we're all successful. Or if we all fail, she'll recognize her responsibility as a teacher is lacking!
At the same time, in the back of all our minds we have projects to work on and then present in the coming weeks that haven't received much attention. I really am trying to be on top of these and organized about it, but it's SO much! Juggling the needs and schedules of a group (especially when two of us live more than an hour from campus) proves most difficult. Meanwhile, the work-study job I took on includes grading papers every week - it's the opposite of study-while-you-work-job. The heat has really been turned up on this semester and I'm starting to sweat. I'm still pretty focused though and doing my best to maintain balance. This weekend I've been trying a new technique to use a count-down timer as I work. It seems to be helping me stay on track and work efficiently! Yay for new techniques. I'm also aware that it all comes back to focus -- and being present.
Last night I was really unfocused, after a very busy day of taking care of someone else's kids (for the third day in a row; different story) and I couldn't circle my attention into my work. Someone recommended that I meditate and I half-jokingly griped that meditation is always the answer. I plopped down with a candle and brought my attention to my breath. On my little alter I keep a bracelet that says, "We've Got Your Back Jack," which was part of a fundraiser for my little buddy Jack who was struggling with cancer. Seeing the bracelet made me recognize the grief I was feeling, as I'd been thinking about him and his mama throughout the day (perhaps because I was playing mama to these three girls and kept threatening that I would never have kids after this experience, even though it's one of my major life goals to raise my own family - so perhaps I was feeling an emotional wave of recognition that the roles and responsibilities we take on in life can come with great turmoil as well as immense reward.) Anyway, that major tangent was all to recognize that I was distracted by something deeper and after I put my attention on that struggle, and put on the bracelet, I was able to focus. The Student Service guy had actually recommended that I wear some article of clothing (hat, scarf, bracelet) when I study and then when I take the test, to establish a physical connection with the material for easier recollection. The brain is so damn fascinating.
The other part of this story is the responsibilities I agreed to take on this weekend as part of my work-trade living situation. The family's parents went out of town Thursday morning and return this evening (so I was in charge for the last four days.) It proved to be amazingly challenging. It rubbed against my desire for deep connection and understanding with others - which is not readily attainable with teenagers, and rubbed against my issues for wanting control in having things run smoothly, and I did not transition well with some of the shifts. A very dear friend of mine helped me see that part of my desire for control was to make sure the girls' needs were met, and because I care so much. She also helped me see that the little blow-up from one of them was actually a sign of intimacy in her desire to communicate with me. She later apologized and recognized her part but it sure didn't feel good at the time, and was so distracting to my trying to do work! Basically this weekend was an intense workshop on self-care, balance, and letting go. After the first couple mishaps and some guidance from friends, I believe I came out stronger. Next time, I'll try to employ the techniques that worked out in the end, which were to give more credit and responsibility to the teens and allow natural consequences to be the main consideration. My friend pointed out I was in a kind of step-parent role without a foundation for any sort of leverage with my requests which made it really hard. All is well now and I'm actually more confident that I do have what it takes to be a good mom someday. The main thing I'm working on in terms of working with others is being able to stay light, to focus on the good, and to bring things back around to the present.
Okay... I think I need to get back to studying now. I feel better having written this out as I've wanted to write all week. Overall, school is still wonderful and I'm still thrilled to be doing what I've worked so hard to access.
ENORMOUS THANK YOU to my very dear friends who recognized my desperation when my computer failed me and pulled through to get me all set up with a new computer. I'm amazed at how incredibly valuable it is to have the tools I need in order to be successful. I could never have done this without your support. Thank you Thank you Thank you!!!
Yes, it's midterms already. Though we have two sets, so really it's tri-terms...or something. Two tests tomorrow; I hope my brain can handle it. In the last couple weeks I solidified my support from Student Services and will be taking my tests in a proctored room so as not to be distracted by my peers who will likely finish sooner than I, AND would be a constant distraction with their pen clicks and coughs and whatever else... I'm grateful I'll have the support; though I'm just realizing, I won't be able to ask any questions of my professor during the test. Hm... I'll just see how these two go.
For my conditions class I'm creating concept maps for each condition with different colors for each one. The general concepts like diagnosis, medical management, prevalence, symptoms, all have the same place on each paper. I'm hoping this will trigger my visual memory. I tried to create a study group with the class but it didn't really go that well, the majority of the people left 20 minutes in, which was disappointing, yet the people who stayed proved to be good study buddies. I'd forgotten that what I wanted to do with the whole class was to fill in our group-accessible study guide on google docs. This way we'd all be studying the same info and could provide help to one another though the document (YAY technology.) In the end we've all just been editing it on our own...even today - day before the test. I think it's a good system.
We are all really struggling with one class where we're just bombarded with information and it's not being explained efficiently. The test we're taking Monday was designed by a different teacher from the department who is known to be really strict and severe with details, yet, our teacher hasn't been all that clear about what to focus on. Thank goodness she gave us a study guide in the end! We've all been chipping away at that as well, I really hope we're all successful. Or if we all fail, she'll recognize her responsibility as a teacher is lacking!
At the same time, in the back of all our minds we have projects to work on and then present in the coming weeks that haven't received much attention. I really am trying to be on top of these and organized about it, but it's SO much! Juggling the needs and schedules of a group (especially when two of us live more than an hour from campus) proves most difficult. Meanwhile, the work-study job I took on includes grading papers every week - it's the opposite of study-while-you-work-job. The heat has really been turned up on this semester and I'm starting to sweat. I'm still pretty focused though and doing my best to maintain balance. This weekend I've been trying a new technique to use a count-down timer as I work. It seems to be helping me stay on track and work efficiently! Yay for new techniques. I'm also aware that it all comes back to focus -- and being present.
Last night I was really unfocused, after a very busy day of taking care of someone else's kids (for the third day in a row; different story) and I couldn't circle my attention into my work. Someone recommended that I meditate and I half-jokingly griped that meditation is always the answer. I plopped down with a candle and brought my attention to my breath. On my little alter I keep a bracelet that says, "We've Got Your Back Jack," which was part of a fundraiser for my little buddy Jack who was struggling with cancer. Seeing the bracelet made me recognize the grief I was feeling, as I'd been thinking about him and his mama throughout the day (perhaps because I was playing mama to these three girls and kept threatening that I would never have kids after this experience, even though it's one of my major life goals to raise my own family - so perhaps I was feeling an emotional wave of recognition that the roles and responsibilities we take on in life can come with great turmoil as well as immense reward.) Anyway, that major tangent was all to recognize that I was distracted by something deeper and after I put my attention on that struggle, and put on the bracelet, I was able to focus. The Student Service guy had actually recommended that I wear some article of clothing (hat, scarf, bracelet) when I study and then when I take the test, to establish a physical connection with the material for easier recollection. The brain is so damn fascinating.
The other part of this story is the responsibilities I agreed to take on this weekend as part of my work-trade living situation. The family's parents went out of town Thursday morning and return this evening (so I was in charge for the last four days.) It proved to be amazingly challenging. It rubbed against my desire for deep connection and understanding with others - which is not readily attainable with teenagers, and rubbed against my issues for wanting control in having things run smoothly, and I did not transition well with some of the shifts. A very dear friend of mine helped me see that part of my desire for control was to make sure the girls' needs were met, and because I care so much. She also helped me see that the little blow-up from one of them was actually a sign of intimacy in her desire to communicate with me. She later apologized and recognized her part but it sure didn't feel good at the time, and was so distracting to my trying to do work! Basically this weekend was an intense workshop on self-care, balance, and letting go. After the first couple mishaps and some guidance from friends, I believe I came out stronger. Next time, I'll try to employ the techniques that worked out in the end, which were to give more credit and responsibility to the teens and allow natural consequences to be the main consideration. My friend pointed out I was in a kind of step-parent role without a foundation for any sort of leverage with my requests which made it really hard. All is well now and I'm actually more confident that I do have what it takes to be a good mom someday. The main thing I'm working on in terms of working with others is being able to stay light, to focus on the good, and to bring things back around to the present.
Okay... I think I need to get back to studying now. I feel better having written this out as I've wanted to write all week. Overall, school is still wonderful and I'm still thrilled to be doing what I've worked so hard to access.
ENORMOUS THANK YOU to my very dear friends who recognized my desperation when my computer failed me and pulled through to get me all set up with a new computer. I'm amazed at how incredibly valuable it is to have the tools I need in order to be successful. I could never have done this without your support. Thank you Thank you Thank you!!!
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