Piecing it Together

First set of midterms down! 8 exams, 6 projects, and plenty more ahead of me this semester. Amazing to think it’s halfway through however. Having finished my first set of ‘midterms’ (of which there are two sets) and bought myself a succulent for each one! (yay!) I am recognizing that I need to keep myself focused and not think of this as an opportunity to relax because it most certainly isn’t! One teacher promised that the worst was over, another, that the worst was yet to come. So I am going to try to stay on my toes. I think the challenges that have maintained my higher stress levels include memorizing details that I’m not quite sure how to relate to. When I was studying early childhood education I was also working in a classroom of 20 children so nearly all my studies were directly applicable. This is a bit trickier as it’s all textbook with very little application; though I am grateful for my past experiences which create a lens through which I can view the conditions and theories we’re studying. 

It seems like the trickiest part of the conditions class is going to be identifying the specifics of each condition separate from the rest which can be quite similar. My peer mentor told me when he took the class he studied the conditions as though Batman characters were experiencing the different diagnosis. I like that plan, though I don’t know much about Batman but I can get creative with some familiar characters - maybe grey’s anatomy! Meanwhile my theories class is going to challenge me to apply and understand different perspectives from within the field. Initially this all felt pretty second nature. Today, however, I was unpleasantly disappointed with my SOAP note checkout. I can’t seem to identify the differences between the objective and assessment aspects of it! It doesn’t help that my teachers don’t quite agree on the differences between the two amongst themselves. There was one handout that I found from a different class that may have been quite useful to review beforehand but alas… it was not in a likely place prior to taking the quiz. 

I’m struggling a bit with my organization as I’m trying to physically carry around as little as possible. (I initially started a petition to get lockers on campus but once school picked up, that project moved to the back burner.) Most of my notes are stored on my computer (which I need to figure out a regular back-up plan for - icloud?) but I do have one notebook for random note taking and turning papers in that we work on in class. As far as that goes, having one notebook is working well. I discovered a cool categorizing system online once that is working for my purposes wonderfully! On the last page of the notebook I have a table of contents so to speak with each class and lab I’m taking, with a symbol drawn next to it. Then whenever I use the notebook I write the symbol for that class in the top righthand corner. All I have to do to find notes for specific classes is flip through the top corners and search for the symbol. I could be clearer with dates and titles of my notes as well I suppose.

Yesterday I met with my advisor for the upcoming semester. Man, they really keep you focused in this program, they want you to stay on track so you will succeed! Yes! Next semester has me taking five regular classes and at school four days a week (right now it’s only three) with a very hippity-hoppity schedule kind of all over the place. I think I’ll follow the idea of an upper-classmate and put a copy of my schedule in the front slip of my binder to reference regularly - along with the books required to have in class! One thing that I regret about this semester being almost over is that I haven’t really been doing as much reading as I would have liked to be doing. The reading I have done seems like I haven’t gained a lot from it. It’s a tough balance because I want to be knowledgeable in class and be able to answer questions but I also struggle to stay focused with THAT MUCH reading and I really value my sleeeeeep!!!! I would read on the bus but these books are damn heavy. I guess some of them are online… Anyway, I know there is so much to learn and I already feel I could be getting so much more out of the program if I made time for that homework. One thing that is becoming very apparent, is that while I don't want even-gimongulous-er loans, I think it might be smarter to drop a couple of the jobs I’m working… Three is a LOT. Harrumph. I wanna be supergirl.

What a tangent! Tangental thinking…psychosocial term. Can you tell I’m writing this at the end of a long day? I originally intended to veg out on a few tedtalks on the way home from school today but the bus wifi is down. I just wanted to say that one of the requirements for my program includes two special topic classes. I was thrilled to hear that I can use one of my early childhood education credits toward meeting that goal! Yay for not paying for more classes (or taking more classes for that matter) than necessary! My advisor recommended using my children with disabilities class. Maybe I can get away with two!

At this point most of my “homework time” is focused on lots and lots of research for my three group projects. This is likely the trickiest part of the program: trying to get along with other students who are also pressed for time, stressed and therefore testy, and want to make sure things are done “the best way,” which is often up for debate! Today we talked about how capstone projects inevitably instigate a dramatic conflict between the best intending of classmates. You certainly learn a lot about a person when doing a group project with them! I’ve already completed one and am happy to say we did very well on it. It wasn’t too demanding of a presentation and I had fun with the powerpoint animation features. I was satisfied with the level of squirm inflicted upon my fellow classsmates while learning about parasites in the brain!

oooh I am so tempted to get off the bus right now and ride my bike through this stand-still traffic on a main street through town. I would most certainly get there faster. As would a motorcycle. Which my advisor so cleverly called it a donor-cycle. Yikes! I think that’s what I’m gonna do. Bike, that is. 

Thanks for reading and coming along on this journey with me. I hope you found something to be useful or inspiring! Oh- speaking of which, I’m excited to say that I’ve been meditating almost daily and it feels so good!

Grr…I wrote this two weeks ago and didn’t publish it because I hadn’t edited it and it’s been on my mind ever since but now there is so much more to say. So here’s an unproof-read version (sorry) and there is (hopefully) more to come!

Recognizing Control; or lack thereof

I'm keeping a blog, which proves that I love to write. What I don't love is the stress of writing a paper, because I'm a bit of a perfectionist and I get stuck three words into a sentence when I can't choose the right adjective to clarify my point. However, I think I would much rather be writing a paper right now than grinding away with mid-term studies. So, I decided to pop over to my blog.

Yes, it's midterms already. Though we have two sets, so really it's tri-terms...or something. Two tests tomorrow; I hope my brain can handle it. In the last couple weeks I solidified my support from Student Services and will be taking my tests in a proctored room so as not to be distracted by my peers who will likely finish sooner than I, AND would be a constant distraction with their pen clicks and coughs and whatever else... I'm grateful I'll have the support; though I'm just realizing, I won't be able to ask any questions of my professor during the test. Hm... I'll just see how these two go.

For my conditions class I'm creating concept maps for each condition with different colors for each one. The general concepts like diagnosis, medical management, prevalence, symptoms, all have the same place on each paper. I'm hoping this will trigger my visual memory. I tried to create a study group with the class but it didn't really go that well, the majority of the people left 20 minutes in, which was disappointing, yet the people who stayed proved to be good study buddies. I'd forgotten that what I wanted to do with the whole class was to fill in our group-accessible study guide on google docs. This way we'd all be studying the same info and could provide help to one another though the document (YAY technology.) In the end we've all just been editing it on our own...even today - day before the test. I think it's a good system.

We are all really struggling with one class where we're just bombarded with information and it's not being explained efficiently. The test we're taking Monday was designed by a different teacher from the department who is known to be really strict and severe with details, yet, our teacher hasn't been all that clear about what to focus on. Thank goodness she gave us a study guide in the end! We've all been chipping away at that as well, I really hope we're all successful. Or if we all fail, she'll recognize her responsibility as a teacher is lacking!

At the same time, in the back of all our minds we have projects to work on and then present in the coming weeks that haven't received much attention. I really am trying to be on top of these and organized about it, but it's SO much! Juggling the needs and schedules of a group (especially when two of us live more than an hour from campus) proves most difficult. Meanwhile, the work-study job I took on includes grading papers every week - it's the opposite of study-while-you-work-job. The heat has really been turned up on this semester and I'm starting to sweat. I'm still pretty focused though and doing my best to maintain balance. This weekend I've been trying a new technique to use a count-down timer as I work. It seems to be helping me stay on track and work efficiently! Yay for new techniques. I'm also aware that it all comes back to focus -- and being present.

Last night I was really unfocused, after a very busy day of taking care of someone else's kids (for the third day in a row; different story) and I couldn't circle my attention into my work. Someone recommended that I meditate and I half-jokingly griped that meditation is always the answer. I plopped down with a candle and brought my attention to my breath. On my little alter I keep a bracelet that says, "We've Got Your Back Jack," which was part of a fundraiser for my little buddy Jack who was struggling with cancer. Seeing the bracelet made me recognize the grief I was feeling, as I'd been thinking about him and his mama throughout the day (perhaps because I was playing mama to these three girls and kept threatening that I would never have kids after this experience, even though it's one of my major life goals to raise my own family - so perhaps I was feeling an emotional wave of recognition that the roles and responsibilities we take on in life can come with great turmoil as well as immense reward.) Anyway, that major tangent was all to recognize that I was distracted by something deeper and after I put my attention on that struggle, and put on the bracelet, I was able to focus. The Student Service guy had actually recommended that I wear some article of clothing (hat, scarf, bracelet) when I study and then when I take the test, to establish a physical connection with the material for easier recollection. The brain is so damn fascinating.

The other part of this story is the responsibilities I agreed to take on this weekend as part of my work-trade living situation. The family's parents went out of town Thursday morning and return this evening (so I was in charge for the last four days.) It proved to be amazingly challenging. It rubbed against my desire for deep connection and understanding with others - which is not readily attainable with teenagers, and rubbed against my issues for wanting control in having things run smoothly, and I did not transition well with some of the shifts. A very dear friend of mine helped me see that part of my desire for control was to make sure the girls' needs were met, and because I care so much. She also helped me see that the little blow-up from one of them was actually a sign of intimacy in her desire to communicate with me. She later apologized and recognized her part but it sure didn't feel good at the time, and was so distracting to my trying to do work! Basically this weekend was an intense workshop on self-care, balance, and letting go. After the first couple mishaps and some guidance from friends, I believe I came out stronger. Next time, I'll try to employ the techniques that worked out in the end, which were to give more credit and responsibility to the teens and allow natural consequences to be the main consideration. My friend pointed out I was in a kind of step-parent role without a foundation for any sort of leverage with my requests which made it really hard. All is well now and I'm actually more confident that I do have what it takes to be a good mom someday. The main thing I'm working on in terms of working with others is being able to stay light, to focus on the good, and to bring things back around to the present.

Okay... I think I need to get back to studying now. I feel better having written this out as I've wanted to write all week. Overall, school is still wonderful and I'm still thrilled to be doing what I've worked so hard to access.

ENORMOUS THANK YOU to my very dear friends who recognized my desperation when my computer failed me and pulled through to get me all set up with a new computer. I'm amazed at how incredibly valuable it is to have the tools I need in order to be successful. I could never have done this without your support. Thank you Thank you Thank you!!!

Pull Of The Tide

Next week I'll be a month into school, yet I still feel like I'm getting settled. Actually, I feel like there have been a few disruptions and set-backs that have made it difficult to actually establish a real routine. I spent much of my second and third weeks dealing with work study applications, follow-up's, and decision making. In the end I just got one job grading papers, which is less than ideal, but the income will be essential. Meanwhile, my computer crashed (and I believe I lost all my data, not to mention all my saturday in dealing with the apple store and eventually finding another place to take it- I still haven't heard back from them...) which turned out to be outrageously disrupting as I seem to have attached to it like a third arm and with it missing I became all out of sorts! I felt especially foolish in class first thing wednesday morning when I was borrowing someone else's laptop to take notes (I just cannot read my own handwriting) and I turned to get some water and tipped my (apparently open) entire two liter water bottle to the floor. Thank goodness I didn't spill it on her computer!!! But I felt like a complete moron and couldn't focus in class, nor could I come up with any reasonable answers during the entire class period about Autism (which I know SO much about!) and second guessed every answer I did think of. I was kind of a wreck. I went for a walk between classes with a friend but then got the news that my grandmother was in the hospital. Wednesday is just a day I am glad is over. (Mimi is okay!)

I guess this is just a good lesson in recognizing that even the best laid out plans get all screwed up! It was good for me to be able to recognize what was out of my control and what I could focus on to shift the way the day continued to change. Today (gosh was that just yesterday?? it's been a long couple days...) -today I did a lot of supporting and giving of myself. This is often a role I take on, I imagine many OT's can relate. I want to support others and help to make things easier, I want to help others to be successful. I found myself butting heads with my mentee as she struggled with some homework. I don't really think it was the homework itself that was frustrating, but other issues that she couldn't articulate which revealed themselves through feelings of incompetence for her. In the end we got through the homework and I was able to stay relatively calm but after talking with her mom, next time she begins to get frustrated (this is a behavioral pattern of hers) I am going to remove myself with the excuse that I need to do something and see if she can defuse herself a bit. Not sure it'll work but it seems worth a try.

Anyway, by the end of tonight I was drained and in need of much support. Unfortunately, I found it to be late and the support I desired was not available in friends so I reached out to www.7cupsoftea.com 
I don't know if I've already mentioned this website, but I find it to be incredibly helpful for just talking things out, having a safe place to recognize and acknowledge my feelings, and problem solve with a rational-thinking person (who isn't overloaded with emotion!) In the end calming music, looking at pictures of sunsets, a glass of water, and talking to a kind and gentle listener helped me feel through what I was experiencing and I came out on the other end with clarity and relief. [My Pysch-Social teacher and I agreed that it was also a good place to practice active listening (an essential skill of an OT!) if one signs up to be "a listener" on the site.]

I'm sure there is part of me that is struggling with the anticipation of what the upcoming weeks hold. I am waiting to hear back from one more work-study position (the one I really wanted was in the OT department but they alluded to the fact that they might hire outside the department, which, obviously would rule me out), I need to get the notes I lost on my computer from someone in my cohort (and pay to copy them), I need to get started on the many papers and projects that are already on the not-so-distant horizon for me, and I need to define some really solid and predictable study time (rather than just try to fit it in where it's convenient as I've done in the past.) So, yeah, there's a lot on my mind and a lot to be stressed about. I'm also waiting to hear back from the student disabilities services to see what kind of support I can get from the school for my ADD tendencies which make studying and test-taking that much harder... What I really need is a little angel on my shoulder monitoring my every step. 

After talking with my peer mentor from last year, and meeting my peer mentor for this year, I feel a little bit clearer on what to expect for the upcoming school year. While the program itself is going to be demanding, this first year is going to build me up to meet the challenges. It sounds like the classes I'm taking this semester are going to be very manageable, and the teachers encouraging and supportive. I do need to get studying on my basic anatomy though, as I missed several questions on my what-do-you-remember-from-anatomy-class quiz. Fortunately it's interesting to me so at least I can look forward to that. I think my two favorite classes this term are going to be Neurology/Physiology and Psychosocial aspects of Occupational Therapy. I feel that I'm going to be able to keep a level head, with my eye on the bigger picture this semester, rather than get locked into the (unimportant) details that hang me up. I'll say that's my intention anyway. The upcoming weekend doesn't seem promising for homework opportunities, so I think I'll make myself up a schedule now! Perhaps a blog on study tips would be useful...

Establishing Connections

It's only Tuesday but I already feel well into week two of OT school and fortunately I'm still loving it. There is certainly some difficulty around afternoon lectures when it's hot and beautiful outside with struggling to stay awake but I'm finding the material fascinating and engaging. Today one of the librarians came in to show us all the amazing resources on our school's library webpage. There are so many very specific databases available that make research much easier in identifying certain topics. There are also some great tools for making bibliographies - uber useful! It seems like other colleges have similar options, so check out yours. My librarian seemed extremely helpful and very eager to lend a hand, expressing that it was in fact his sole purpose (or maybe soul purpose!) to help us be successful as OT students. Because he is so approachable I hope to form a relationship with him so that once the real research starts, I have someone on my team. (He also strongly recommended not-trying to learn these databases the night before a paper is due but to get familiar with them now.)

It's truly amazing to me how much people are eager to help me to be successful in my journey. I've hit a few hurdles in the last week (of course, such is life) and I'm finding that with the right attitude, and understanding of what truly is in my control to change and make better, I am getting a lot of understanding and support from the people around me. Also, kindness goes such a long way! I shared some homemade bread with the people in the health center at school and they've been nothing but adoring as I've come in for my routine TB testings required for the program (4 total visits.) 

I'm also finding that as I'm studying OT, I'm finding ways to implement so many tools into my own life that are proving useful and successful. (And I'm able to acknowledge the ones that aren't as well.) For example, I've established a routine for bedtime to help me wind down from my day and settle into sleep mode, including a shower and meditation. The routine of it makes bedtime seem approachable, whereas in the past I've dreaded getting ready for bed because it most simply meant I was that much closer to the next day, which was going to very likely be busy and chaotic and stressful. This new approach helps me to feel balanced, grounded, and prepared for anything; it actually helps me START my day better and consequently I've been having really good days, stressful situations and all! 

Today I encountered some frustrating customer relations scenarios that I ended up navigating with a little less finesse than I care to admit, but it wasn't the end of the world, as it may have seemed to me in the past. One of my hiccups landed me in 6:30 traffic and it literally took me 20 minutes to drive 0.2 miles. I pulled off the highway to go and sit by the water and appreciate the way the sun's light fell onto the landscape with the evening colors. I may have neglected to acknowledge the "no trespassing" signs posted, and consequently I was treated with an interaction with an owner of the club on who's property I'd trespassed. [yikes! grammar??] Of course, I knew I was in the wrong, and yet, I hoped with a little compassion he could understand my very unfortunate dilemma and be forgiving. I approached him with this outlook and after he explained that I was on private property and that I could become a member in order to sit on the rock I'd found, we had a nice conversation about living in the area and where we were from and how horrid traffic could be... In the end he ever so gracefully offered that I stay this time as a guest and wished me a safe drive home. Very sweet, and so wonderful to have a humane connection with someone kind amidst the craziness of rush-hour!

I got home with just enough time to put away the groceries and gather my things for my tutor/mentor session with my 14 and 17 year old buddies. We found agreeable study music and were able to engage in group support even though we were each studying different things. A study group makes a world of a difference, I think, and what a wonderful way to exchange support and ideas while providing an example of responsibility and applicable study methods. Lighting, music, physical comfort, tea, the right tools (pens, calculator, computer, timer); all these contribute to a supportive study environment. 

My debate for the week is how to handle the many work study job offers I received. I've had to exercise my newfound sense of clarity and integrity of self by turning down a couple offers that I really wanted, and who I knew really wanted me, but wouldn't work for me in the end. I'm normally not great at saying no, for fear of disappointing others, but these days I need to stay clear, focused, honest, and on-task. It felt so good to make the phone call where I expressed gratitude, as well as regret, for having to turn down the job. However, I'm still looking at three more positions and need to decide whether I'd like to juggle two (as only one of the three will offer all the hours I require), whether I want to stay on campus or not, whether I'm going to be able to actually do homework on the clock, what kind of environment I want to be in, the type of people I'd like to work with, and where I want to make connections: in a public health clinic, or in the science department at the school. There is much to be debated and it seems I need to make a decision soon! Tomorrow is the last interview, then I'll have to decide.

I'm not sure what this blog is becoming at this point. I suppose it's more of my musings and reflections of my experiences as a student studying occupational therapy. But I do believe there will be key ideas and resources shared throughout my experience that I hope others can gain from. I don't know how to set up the email-follow-link-thing at this point but I'll work on that... 

And So It Begins

I was encouraged by my mentor to start my own OT blog as I read through all the resources available to me online following my orientation into OT grad school last week. As such a dynamic field, there is constantly new information following research, new diagnoses, and experiences with more and more clients. I imagine there will be so much learned and shared throughout my career as a student and into the field! Of course, it is essential I am cautious of HIPPA laws and will absolutely respect all clients and sites where I take on fieldwork.

I want to start this blog with an intention to reach the world of OT and beyond with relevant experiences, applicable tools, useful wisdom, and grounded encouragement. Starting grad school feels like an amazing endeavor (day one is tomorrow! we'll see how I feel at the end of the week...) and I know it will come with endless challenges as well as tremendous rewards. I would love to track my experiences and share data, research, resources, and tips through this blog, checking in every couple weeks (at minimum once a month). I am eager to simply track my own progress but I also desire to reach the world of OT students who are heading down a similar path and want to make the most of their work.

At orientation I heard some key phrases (said to the whole group) that stuck with me:
>You are the ones who made it here today. You did the work, passed the classes and exams, wowed interviewers, wrote the essays. You deserve to be here and we're here to help you succeed.
>Occupational therapists have a desire to help people, help each other.
>There isn't anyone in here who doesn't want to succeed at being great at their work, work together to make that happen.
>(Following strict guidelines for the program, such as a list of professional behaviors required starting *today* in the classroom including: being a self-directed learner, clarifying and asking questions, participating, accepting criticism and applying it, putting forth our best effort, doing reading and assignments ahead of time to prepare for class, etc.) We (faculty) really want to see you succeed, we are on your team and when we point out your weaknesses, it is your job to correct them. Ultimately though, we want you to succeed.

For me, success as a grad student starts with healthy habits. Starting tonight, the routine is shifting, consistent bedtime and morning wake up calls! Grad School, here I come!